What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize