I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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