I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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