youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
