I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
