Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
