she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
