I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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