they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
