the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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