you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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