Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Your cock deserves a montage
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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