i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
