I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Someone signed my nipple.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize