I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
