I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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