I feel great
I just peed on a car
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
