Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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