Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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