I cockslap morals
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
