it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
