Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
