I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
