Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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