Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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