Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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