i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
