Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Come see our sink grown plant.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
