Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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