Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
