I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
