the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
