dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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