I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
