I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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