so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
