uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
