I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
