WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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