I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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