Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
