Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
