1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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