Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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