literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
