Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
