It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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