I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
