Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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