i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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