WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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