Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
