I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
