I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
