at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
