im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
