he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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