No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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