I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
