Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize