Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
