Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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