Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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