Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
