i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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