I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
