also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize