glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Randomize
