No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Still dying that you shit outside
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
